Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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