I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
