im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
