I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
