With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
