I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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