Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My breasts were aching with rage.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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