I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We have started to decorate penises.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
