bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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