Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish I only lived at night.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
