Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Panties = found
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