11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
