Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
