I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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