just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
