i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
