she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
