Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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