If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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