When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
