i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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