I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
