i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
