one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
