i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
