Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
