forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
