I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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