oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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