so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
