do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
