i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
