i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
