who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
