cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
