I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
