Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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