Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
