I just made out with a guy for $7.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize