"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
barbara walters just said penis...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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