Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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