I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The Olympian is in my bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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