It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
