Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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