I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
