CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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