I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
