his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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