I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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