Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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