Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize