No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
