I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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