____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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