areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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