I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
