Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
