I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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