So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im part way to drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
