my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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