turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
