I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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