therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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