u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
