No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
