im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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