she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
