Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
