my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
