I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
